


Is your name wifi? (because I'm feeling the connection)

by holygolightly



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Derek, Fluff and Crack, Getting Together, Oblivious Derek, Oblivious Stiles, Wooing, deal w it, equally cheesy valentines, lots of pop culture references, my valentine's day gift to you, sorry - Freeform, there are lots of puns, truly terrible pick up lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 10:22:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6002299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holygolightly/pseuds/holygolightly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles has never been subtle, ever, in his whole life...about anything. Why would he start now?</p><p>OR</p><p>Stiles starts courting Derek with his 14 day long woo-the-alpha-plan filled with cheesy pick up lines and 'punny' valentine's.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is your name wifi? (because I'm feeling the connection)

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to do a Valentine's day story. There are pictures in it, hopefully they load for everyone. I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE VALENTINE'S OR PICK UP LINES FEATURED HERE. They're all ones I found online. 
> 
> Let me know if there are any mistakes

Stiles honestly doesn't understand why Scott is surprised when he finally tells him. Has he seen Derek? Like ever? The man's hot like burning. Seriously, the first time Stiles saw his back muscles, he wanted to trace the triskele tattoo with his tongue. It also helps that Derek is funny and strong (physically and emotionally), he's brave and rash and the biggest fucking asshole (behind maybe Jackson and himself) that Stiles has ever met. H'es perfect. Hence, Stiles' plan. He's knows it's a bit blunt and over the top but well...

Stiles has never been subtle, ever, in his whole life...about anything. Why would he start now?

Stiles has literally memorized hundreds of cheesy pick up lines and printed out a shit ton of those ridiculous tumblr valentines that can go with any possible situation. He plans on using one of each a day. He'd like them to go with something they're talking about or doing so at least they do kind of make sense. Time to warm Sourwolf's heart.

* * *

  _February 1, 2016 (Day One)_

On his way home from school on Monday, Stiles stops by Deaton's. He remembers Derek saying something about needing to run their to get some more herbs and what not for the house. He waits in the lobby for the wolf, jiggling his leg nervously and hoping nobody tries to talk to him, because he honestly doesn't think he'd be capable of speech right now. He has a backpack full of ridiculous cards and is getting ready to pull one out at a moment's notice when Derek finally walks in.

Seriously, how is someone that attractive? He's wearing illegally tight black jeans, his black 'work' boots, a gray Henley, and his leather jacket, with his hair artfully tousled and light stubble on his cheeks, looking like every one of Stiles' fantasies. That's also when Stiles takes stock of his own appearance. He definitely should not have come here straight from school. His hair is all over the place from running his fingers through it far too many times, with red jeans that have grass stains on the knees from gym, dirty gray vans, and a black t-shirt with Darth Vader on it that says "Who's your daddy?" He looks ridiculous. He tries to grab his blue-and-red flannel from his seat before Derek notices but it gets caught on the chair he was sitting on. Unfortunately the shirt won't budge, so Stiles tries one more time, pulling as hard as he can. The sound of the sleeve ripping off practically echoes in the small room, Stiles windmills his arms outwards to keep from falling at the sudden lack of resistance, and accidentally smacks Derek in the face.

Yup, in a matter of four seconds Stiles may have derailed his entire plan all because he decided to get dressed in the fucking dark this morning.

"Oh my god, so sorry."

"Hello Stiles, nice to see you too" Derek says, dryly.

"I really didn't mean to hit you oh my god, I was just trying to get my flannel but it got stuck and oh my god, I'm so sorry."

Derek stares at Stiles face for a moment, expression unreadable, before his eyes drop to Stiles' shirt. As Derek lifts his head back up, he gives Stiles a look that can only mean he's regretting ever being in the same room as Stiles.

"I can see why you'd need that flannel. Nice shirt."

Stiles feels a blush rise to his cheeks before he steals himself, knowing he has to go through with his plan.

"Hey Derek, do you understand the binary language of moisture vaporators? Because I’d like to program your binary loadlifter."

Derek stares at Stiles as if he's grown an extra head. "Stiles, nobody has any idea what the fuck you're talking about."

"Star wars!"

"Okay, Spock."

Stiles honest to god screeches, "That's Star Trek!" He knows he looks ridiculous, wearing his ridiculous outside, swinging his arms everywhere, yelling about sci-fi movies but seriously, how is he supposed to woo someone who doesn't know the difference between Star Trek and Star Wars. As Stiles prepares to go into a long winded rant about the two, he notices a hint of amusement on Derek's face.

"Holy shit, you asshole. I was getting ready to lose my mind. Fucking dick."

"You're the one that was speaking gibberish."

Stiles glares at him, ready to respond, when Deaton comes out with boxes of stuff for Derek. As the two begin to talk about gardens or whatever, Stiles goes over and rifles through his backpack, before finding the perfect Valentine for the situation. As the D-Squared conversation ends, Stiles heads back over to them. 

"Hey Derek, you dropped this." Stiles says, holding out the folded Valentine

"Uh, no I didn't?"

"Yes, you did. Just take it."

Derek looks at Stiles, bewildered, before grabbing the piece of paper and shoving it in his pocket. He then grabs Deatons box and leaves the clinic, shaking his head as he goes.

 

* * *

  _February 2, 2016 (Day 2)_

The next day, he runs into Derek by accident. He meant to stop by his house with some lame ass excuse so this does make it easier. It's lucky he happens to have the valentine's with him since he kept his backpack in the jeep last night. He also happens to have the perfect valentine in there for this situation. He pulls into the parking spot next to the camaro and heads into the grocery store, determined to find the wolf as soon as possible.

After a few minutes of searching, he finds Derek by the frozen foods.

"Hey Derek!" He basically yells. Derek turns to look at him, glare, before looking back down at the row in front of them. Stiles comes to stand next to him, their wagons next to each other.

"Do you have any raisins?"

"What, no? This is the frozen section, you moron."

"How about a date?"

"If you want dates, buy them yourself. Aisle 4."

Stiles rolls his eyes, not deterred by Derek's obliviousness. He continues to shop with Derek for the rest of his trip. He gets everything on his list and lectures Derek on all the horrible additives in the food the wolf is buying.

"Y'know, just because you're a werewolf doesn't mean that you shouldn't eat healthy."

"What, your dad stop listening to your health-food lectures so you decide to take it out on me?"

"No, I just feel like elongating the lives of everyone around me."

Derek rolls his eyes, "well, if you don't shut up, your life might be the one cut short."

Stiles scoffs before changing direction towards the cash registers, having finished his shopping first. 

"Bye Der-Bear, see you soon."

"Don't call me that!" Derek barks at his back.

After paying, Stiles heads out to his jeep. He packs in his groceries before turning towards the camaro, taking the Valentine out of his pocket and putting it under Derek's windshield wiper.

 

* * *

 

_February 3, 2016 (Day 3)_

This one is also a bit of a coincidence. Lydia and Stiles had both volunteered to help Boyd, Erica, and Isaac with any work they had missed during their werewolf-adjustment period at the pack house. Erica, Lydia, and Stiles also all happened to be wearing pink...on a Wednesday. So of course it had to be mean girls themed. Luckily he had his backpack with him again, since that's also where all his books for school were kept, so it was easy to find the right card.

Upon entering the pack house, Stiles looked over at Derek and in his best Regina George impersonation said, "You have really good eyebrows." Derek didn't get it, but the two girls did. The betas took over the living room, basically kicking Derek out, while Lydia put the movie in, saying they needed background noise anyways. Before heading upstairs, Derek told them they could use any of his books if they needed, as long as they kept them in good condition.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, the three of them quoting along with the movie while Isaac and Boyd did their best to ignore them. After about 2 and a half hours, Stiles and them decided to disperse, having studied as much as they could in one day. Before leaving. Stiles stuck his valentine into one of Derek's books, leaving it sticking out like a bookmark.

 

 

* * *

 

_February 4, 2016 (Day 4)_

This one Stiles had been prepared for. It was Thursday, which was Hannibal night at the Hale pack house. Peter and Stiles had found out pretty quickly that they both loved Silence of the Lambs and the rest of the books in the series and started watching the show together. Derek liked to complain about them taking over his TV and his couch, but Stiles knew he also enjoyed the show. All three were visibly disappointed when it was cancelled, but held out hope it'd be picked up by a new network. That being said, they continued their tradition of watching an episode every Thursday night. Now, though, instead of watching a new episode, they watched one of the DVD's of it that Derek had. (Yeah, doesn't like the show, sure.)

They're currently watching the scene where Hannibal is sniffing Will when Peter gives him the perfect opening.

"Why don't they just fuck already? Casual sex would certainly calm them down a bit. Maybe Hannibal would stop taking his sexual frustrations out on everyone else." Because of course the crazy-murdering-psycho wanted Murder Husbands to be real. (though honestly, who doesn't?)

Stiles turns to Derek, "Well, keep the suit on and it can be formal sex" he says with a wink.

Derek turns to Stiles, incredulously, "That doesn't even make sense. How can sex be formal?"

Stiles doesn't get to respond as they're quickly shushed by Peter, who's watching the TV with rapt attention.

They watch the rest of the show in relative silence, occasionally making a few comments here and there. Before Stiles leaves, he places the valentine on top of the DVD. He knows Derek will see it since he always gets pissed when DVD's are left out of their case.

* * *

_February 5, 2016 (Day 5)_

Stiles stops by Derek's to grab the jacket he left (purposely) at the house the previous night with his backpack slung over his shoulders, prepared for any situation. When he walks in, he finds Derek watching some art history documentary.

“Hey Derek," he says, getting the wolf's attention, "Are you a Shepard Fairey poster? Because I can’t believe you don’t already belong to someone else.”

"The controversy with that poster is so stupid. Copyrights with pictures are too difficult to enforce, and honestly, it doesn't even look exactly like the picture so how are they even going to argue it?" 

Because of course, on top of all his other perfect things, Derek has strong opinions on things like random art pieces and different types of laws. Stiles practically swoons. He, instead, decides to settle down on the couch next to Derek and watch the rest of the show. They don't talk much and Derek has still yet to even once hint at the cards Stiles is leaving him, but they do practically lean into each other as they sit, far closer than they need to be.

After about an hour, Derek gets up and heads towards out of the living room. He stops in the doorway, blocking the view to the kitchen, and turns towards Stiles.

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh damn," Stiles said, looking at the clock and realizing he was supposed to be at Scott's half an hour ago, "I need to grab my coat and go."

Derek nods before fully exiting the room. Stiles quickly goes through his bag, grabbing the valentine he needs and placing it under the remote, before he grabs his jacket and runs out the door.

 

* * *

 

_February 6, 2016 (Day 6)_

Stiles showed up early to the pack meeting in hopes he and Derek could at least talk about what's been going on between them. Of course, this happens to also be the day that apparently the rest of the pack has decided to be early, as well. Stiles huffs to himself before resigning himself to another day not knowing what's going on.

The pack decide on several Disney movies for the night. Erica and Boyd are sitting on the side couch, with her in his lap, with Lydia and Jackson mirroring their position on the opposite cushion. Peter is sitting on the arm chair in the corner, reading and acting disinterested in the entire thing. Isaac, Allison, and Scott are all lying on the floor together, pillows and blankets everywhere. This leaves Derek and Stiles the entire other couch to themselves. Derek sits on one end, with his feet up on the coffee table. Stiles sits on the other, stretched out over the rest of the couch, with his feet in Derek's lap. Derek's thumb absently rubs across his ankle.

The rest of the pack are arguing about which movie to watch next when Stiles finally addressed Derek.

"Derek, will you be my bae-max?"

"What the hell is a baymax?"

"You've never seen Big Hero 6?!" Isaac says to the alpha, eyes wide. This seems to make up the rest of the packs mind as they quickly put in the movie. Stiles is too distracted by the movie to realize Derek never answered his question.

After the rest of the pack leaves and Derek heads to the bathroom does Stiles remember his plan. Normally Stiles would bring the dishes into the kitchen to clean but instead decides to pile them on the table, putting the valentine on top of them where he's sure Derek will see it before leaving.

 

* * *

_February 7, 2016 (Day 7)_

It's training day and Stiles is dying. Every Sunday he tries to keep up with the pack, and every Sunday he fails. It's ridiculous. Stiles heads to where the waters are, Derek standing next to them, watching the fight.

"Hey Derek, you're 65% water and I'm thirsty."

"Adult males are actually closer to 60% water," Derek says absently, not even looking at Stiles, before handing him a water bottle and heading to break up the Scott/Jackson fight that's become less about training and more about beating the shit out of each other.

Stiles sighs, vowing to get back at Scott and Jackson for ruining yet another chance to talk to Derek. He shakes his head, pulling out a valentine from his pocket and putting it with Derek's training bag.

 

* * *

 

_February 8, 2016 (Day 8)_

Stiles' jeep is in the shop...again. While it's annoying to not have a car, it also means that Derek offers to drive him to school. 

Stiles quickly changes his mind about being happy Derek drove him when he's forced to listen to talk radio, because of course Derek listens to talk radio in the morning.

"Can I please put on music?"

"No, absolutely not. I'm not listening to whatever garbage they have on the radio now-a-days."

"'Now-a-days', really? C'mon Derek. Quit acting like you're 40, you're like 5 years older than me. You listened to the same shit I did when we were younger."

"If you change the station, I will break your hands."

"Y'know Derek, You feel like paradise and I need a vacation tonight."

"If you put on Britney Spears, I will throw you out of this vehicle and then run you over."

"Ha! You knew it was Britney, though! I knew you listened to her, bet you were a big N'sync fan too. No shame, so was I."

Derek just turned the radio up louder, drowning out Stiles' voice, eyes never leaving the road. Stiles took advantage of this to dig through his bag, pretending to be looking for homework. Finally, he pulled out a good valentine and slid it underneath him on the seat as they pulled into the school parking lot.

"Bye Derek, remember, no shame! Britney is a queen!" He shouts at the car as he pulls away, drawing the attention of other students.

 

* * *

 

_February 9, 2016 (Day 9)_

This time it was Derek who came to him. It was around midnight when Derek knocked on Stiles window. Stiles rolled his eyes at Derek's inability to use the front door but was at least somewhat pleased that he remembered to knock this time. 

"Hey Derek," he said, feeling more confident and bold since they were in his territory right now, not Derek's, "are you research? 'Cause I'd like to do you."

"Good," Derek responded with and Stiles swears he could feel his heart skip a bite, hope building in his chest before Derek finished with "because I have research I need you to do." Stiles felt his heart sink, annoyed. Was Derek being purposely obtuse? Part of him felt like he should stop but he also knew he only had a few days left, he might as well. At least this may help Derek realize that people care about him. 

"You'll have to give me a minute to re-install chrome. It crapped out on me earlier so I had to get rid of it."

"Why not just use that one?" Derek asked, pointing at the internet explorer icon.

"Please tell me you aren't serious."

"What? It's a web-browser. Why does it matter which on you use?"

"I cannot believe you just said that."

Which pretty much set the mood for the rest of the night. Stiles researched as they bickered back and forth, Derek getting closer and closer to him as time passed. Eventually Stiles found all the lore he could possibly find in one night. As he stapled it all together, he made sure to slip a valentine in there for Derek. If he hadn't still felt bitter over the earlier rejection, he may have broached the subject with Derek, but instead decided against it.

"Here's everything I could find. Hope it helps."

"Thanks, Stiles. Get some sleep," Derek said, brushing his hand along the back of Stiles' neck before exiting via window, again.

* * *

  _February 10, 2016 (Day 10)_

Turns out Derek's trip to Deaton's paid off. They had a possible monster of the week wandering in the preserve with toxic slime, and they needed to make an antidote. Lydia, Peter, and Stiles began to mix some of the herbs and chemicals to make it. They were forced to do it in the living room, Derek refusing to allow them in the kitchen for whatever ridiculous reason, and Derek supervised the whole thing.

"Hey Derek, are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you are cu-te."

"Will you please focus on what you're doing before you blow up my house." Derek said sternly, his eyes wide with disapproval.

Stiles rolled his eyes, not letting this deter him from his plan, and ignored the looks he got from the other two in the room.

When they finally finished, Stiles made sure to leave the valentine next to the bottle of antidote.

 

 

* * *

  _February 11, 2016 (Day 11)_

This time it was Stiles' idiocy that provided the perfect opportunity. He had gone for a jog in the preserve and heard something move behind him. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, the preserve is filled with animals so there's always stuff moving, but Stiles was feeling a bit paranoid since hearing about the possible slime-monster. He took off in a full sprint, looking behind him, and fell over a tree root, into a small ditch. He couldn't stop the yelp of pain that escaped him as he felt his ankle roll with his fall. He sat up, covered in dirt, to examine the damage. 

The ankle looked gross, already swelling with some discoloration. He looked up to see a rabbit hop by, obviously the thing that scared him. Because of course it had to be the least scary animal in the world. He pulls out his phone and calls Derek since he knows the brooding alpha is always near the preserve, anyways.

"What, Stiles?"

"Help. I've fallen for you and I can't get up."

"What?"

"I fell, in the preserve. Can you come help?"

"Shit. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm in the ditch near that rotting tree Jackson tried to climb last week."

"In the ditch?"

"Yes, okay. Shut up. Just get here."

Derek hung up. Stiles rolled his eyes. He grabbed his back pack from his back and pulled out his water bottle. He used it to clean some of the dirt off himself. He also grabbed a valentine while he was there. Derek showed up a few minutes later, looking disgruntled and slightly concerned.

"I'm good, grumpy gills. Just my ankle. Help me up?"

Derek reached down and pulled him up, supporting his weight when it became clear Stiles couldn't walk. They limped their way back to the camaro. Derek gave Stiles his jacket on the walk since Stiles' shivering was impeding their travel. Stiles put the valentine in the jackets pocket. Derek helped Stiles into the car, even buckling him.

"Should I take you to the hospital?"

"No, it's fine. I'll just ice it. Bring me home."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'll show my dad later and if he thinks I should go, he'll take me."

"Okay." Derek said, not looking entirely convinced.

As they pulled up to Stiles' house, Derek helped Stiles limp up the steps to the door. 

"Thanks Derek."

"Call me if you need anything."

"Of course." Stiles said, handing Derek his jacket before heading inside.

 

 

* * *

  _February 12, 2016 (Day 12)_

Stiles spent the day at Derek's since the alpha insisted someone watch him while his ankle heals and his dad had work all day. There wasn't much to do since he lacked mobility. Derek wouldn't even let him go into the kitchen for snacks, insisting he rest. He mainly sat on the couch and watched TV while Derek read. He noticed most of the books on Derek's shelf were classic literature,which helped him choose the next part of his plan.

"Charles Dickens might have given you _Great Expectations_ , but I can meet them."

"I hated Great Expectations. I had to read in for my AP English summer assignment one year and I wanted to claw my eyes out."

"You were in AP English?"

"Yeah, I majored in English Lit when I went to college."

"Holy shit, where'd you go?"

"NYU"

"No fucking way."

"What? You think I'm dumb or something?" Derek said defensively.

"No, of course not. It's just so weird picturing you in school. Or doing anything, really, besides beating up my friends. Who's your favorite author?"

They spent the rest of the day talking about books and college, grades and awful teachers. Stiles felt like he learned a lot about Derek and was glad that the wolf was trusting him with so much information. When Stiles' dad came to pick him up, Stiles left the valentine on his couch cushion.

 

 

* * *

  _February 13, 2016 (Day 13)_

It was time for another pack meeting and the day before Valentine's day. Stiles was honestly a nervous wreck. Derek still hadn't mentioned the Valentine's at all. What if he hadn't seen any? What if he was annoyed/disgusted by everything?

It didn't help that Stiles was apparently still stuck on couch-rest. Normally he'd cook to clear his nerves but Derek refused to let him up. The pack settled around and they decided to watch some titanic. Derek was sitting on the end of the couch, with Stiles body leaning against him. Stiles had his back pressed to Derek's side, his legs stretched out in front of him, injured foot on arm rest since Derek insisted it be elevated.

"Hey Derek, you leonardo di-captured my heart." Stiles said.

There's no response and when Stiles looks up, he realizes Derek has fallen asleep. He sighs audibly, annoyed at his plan falling through once again.

"You're pretty pathetic, Stilinski."

"Go fuck yourself, Whittemore."

Stiles is quiet the rest of the movie, too many thoughts racing through his head. Derek wakes not long before the movie is over, apologizing for falling asleep in the first place.

Before they leave, the pack all places bets on Leo's odds of winning an oscar during the upcoming award show. Stiles puts his valentine on top of the bet paper before leaving.

 

 

 

* * *

_Valentine's Day_

Stiles is an honest to god mess right now but he doesn't care, he's going through with it. He knows he looks ridiculous right now but he's determined, go big or go home. He's wearing black skinny jeans, a black and white flannel, red vans, and a white t-shirt that he made that says "147 lbs of pale skin and boyfriend material". He's holding a large teddy bear with a hat that says Derek on it (a real life Der-Bear) and shirt that says "our love never goes out of Stiles." Plus he's holding a box of chocolate that says "not for dogs" on it. He knows it's a bit over the top, but that's the only way Stiles knows how to do things.

He knocks on the door and waits...and waits...and waits. Nobody answers. Finally he texts Derek "where are you?"

The answer damn near breaks his heart. "Out. It's valentine's day, idiot. Let yourself in. I'll be home soon." Because of course Derek would be out, he's hot as hell (or hot as hale) and certainly not crushing on the lanky 17-year old that has no idea how to flirt. Part of him wants to leave and not think about it, but he figures he might as well leave everything there. He heads inside, determined to finish his 14-day plan.

He decides to put the chocolate in the kitchen, so the rest of the pack doesn't eat it. However, everything changes when he gets inside. On Derek's fridge, held up by magnets, are all the Valentine's Stiles has given Derek over the past two weeks. Stiles turns when he hears foot steps behind him.

He turns to see Derek, holding a wolf stuffed animal and wearing a shirt that says "One Hale of a Lover" and holding a large paper heart that says "I would not rip your throat out with my teeth." Stiles stands there, dumbstruck, before bursting out into full-body laughter.

"Holy shit. Oh my god. You absolute asshole." Stiles said before walking over and kissing Derek fiercely.

 

Derek pulls back after a few moments, a small smile on his face, "Will you be my valentine?"

"Yes of course. You bag of dicks. Why didn't you just ask me sooner?"

"You seemed so earnest in your attempts, plus, it would've wasted all those valentines."

The rest of the day is spent alternating between making out, watching cheesy rom coms, and pigging out on (or wolfing down) the chocolate Stiles brought.

"Hey Derek," Stiles says later on.

"I don't want to hear anymore pick up lines."

"No," Stiles laughed, "I have a question, asshole."

"What?"

"How'd you know when I was in the kitchen earlier?"

Derek blushes.

"Oh my god, you were totally waiting out there like a creeper-wolf until I went in."

Derek blushes harder and well, Stiles can't help but kiss him.

"By the way," Stiles says, "I'm definitely stealing that shirt from you."

  

 

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's kinda dumb, but I had some random burst of inspiration last night and rolled w it. Thanks for bearing w me.


End file.
